Dating apps were supposed to make finding love easier and more convenient, yet it feels more frustrating than ever
When dating apps like Tinder and Hinge entered mainstream culture, online dating quickly became the norm, a way to interact with other singletons from the comfort of our own homes. But both men and women are getting dating apps fatigue, increasingly searching for more organic, human ways to date and meet other single Pringles ready to mingle. Among these is speed dating.
How online dating apps are failing heterosexual men and women
For women, the experience of online dating is often overwhelming: a high volume of attention in the form of matches and messages, but low in quality. Many conversations begin with a generic “hey” or drift into lazy exchanges that spark little chemistry. Some interactions on online dating apps turn sexual too quickly, leaving women to navigate sexual harassment or boundary-pushing behaviour.
Even when interactions are healthy and engaging, choosing between promising connections can feel unexpectedly emotionally draining. When online dating, there is often pressure to scan for relationship red flags, alongside a lingering guilt about letting others down. Over time, constant validation and choice overload may subtly shift expectations, making genuine connection harder to recognise. One Reddit user in her mid-20s shared that although online dating apps provide her with many matches, “most of them don’t end up going anywhere,” and when someone does plan to meet, it often feels like little more than a casual “hangout” rather than genuine connection, a trend she finds increasingly demotivating.
Others have articulated the emotional toll of dating apps directly. In a long-form Reddit thread, one woman wrote about cycling through profiles and matches, only to end up wondering why she “wasn’t good enough” for a meaningful connection, describing a creeping sense of disposability and exhaustion after repeated online interactions.
By contrast, the male experience of online dating apps can feel sparse and emasculating for many. Matches are few and far between, and messages frequently go unanswered. As a result, men feel pressure to perform on dating apps, to curate the perfect profile, turning dating into marketing rather than connection. Over time, self-esteem can take a hit, and confusion about why connections aren’t forming begin to set in.
A 22-year old male shares his experience on reddit of struggling to get matches while his female friends of the same age, with the same interests, were going on regular dates. “I genuinely feel terrible,” he wrote. “My self esteem reaches a new low and I find it difficult to focus on work and university because of that”.
As disappointment builds for both men and women, a wedge seems to be driven between us. Many women describe fatigue with low-effort messages or unclear intentions, while some men speak of feeling overlooked or misunderstood. In digital spaces, these frustrations can harden into broad assumptions about the opposite sex, quietly reinforcing an “us versus them” dynamic — even though many of the underlying experiences of online dating are strikingly similar.
Many men and women are therefore searching for alternative ways to show their authentic selves, not the perfect representations which we can be guilty of portraying online. In doing so, they are hoping to form more meaningful connections.
Speed dating: a reminder that love doesn’t have to be an algorithm
In recent years both the press and online users have commented on the increasing popularity of speed dating in the UK.
One user tells the story of when she stepped into a room full of single strangers, describing the experience as oddly thrilling, and feeling like they were bringing back old-school romance. The lowpressure event felt warm and safe, a reminder of what it’s like to actually connect with someone face to face. Despite a subtle nervous energy, even the shyer attendees gradually relaxed, enjoying brief but surprisingly meaningful interactions.
From the male perspective, one speed dating attendee described how refreshing it felt to decide whether he could see a future with someone by reading body language and sensing chemistry, something he felt was missing on dating apps. Despite leaving the night with zero matches, he still thoroughly enjoyed the experience and would recommend it.
A Reddit user in his 40s, attending his first speed dating event, said he liked the environment and would happily go again — even before learning whether he had any matches. His experience highlights how the speed dating format can make meeting other singles feel natural, relaxed, and less pressured than online dating.
Another man described the short, timed chats that characterize speed dating as easy. Sometimes they were laugh-out-loud funny; other times quietly comfortable, with space to listen as much as to speak. He left the speed dating event with a couple of matches.
A woman named Amy tells the story of how she’s always been unlucky in love, consequently being single for years and growing to despise the monotony of online dating. One day she stumbled upon a Cornish speed dating event and thought, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Instead, she met Jason. From their five-minute conversation, they bonded straight away, and she was delighted to receive their match results from the event organisers, discovering that she had matched with Jason. Six months on, they have become inseparable, and she never believed she could feel this way about someone. “He’s everything I’d ever hoped to find in a man and so much more” .
Speed dating highlights how in-person interactions capture an authenticity often lost online. The experience feels grounding, offering a reset from the mental exhaustion and distorted expectations created by dating apps. Unlike online dating, where disappointment can quietly turn into hopelessness, speed dating tends to leave people feeling lighter and more reassured.
Even without matches, there is shared banter, mutual understanding, and the comfort of knowing everyone is in the same boat. Speed dating feels like a social experience rather than a solitary one.
Connection can still begin with presence, curiosity, and a shared willingness to try something more human.
Article by Andrew Laing
If you want to read about more emerging trends, check out our article on solo travel, the return of fruit picking, or the surprising retro routine revival.
